Scenario 1: You message him “I’m outside” and seconds later he opens the door to let you in. You stare in confusion as you wonder if he really thought he could get away with sharing pictures of himself from 10 years ago during your Grindr conversation. The more you hesitate the more you try to avoid confrontation, thinking of ways to escape the situation. You feel betrayed and annoyed at his deception, but you still feel bad for him. What believable excuse can you quickly formulate?
Scenario 2: The pictures are an accurate representation of the man who opens the door, but once you get inside his apartment you immediately want to leave. Perhaps his place stinks of wet dog, or his bedsheets are stained with what appears to be ketchup and mustard. Maybe his roommates are home (the ones he “forgot” to tell you about), and his room is clearly not soundproof. Whatever the turnoff is for you, it’s enough to make you want to leave. But how?
Scenario 3: You decide to host this time. Your hookup arrives drunk, or smelly, or you encounter a picture mismatch situation mentioned in scenario 1. This is even a more difficult situation given that he’s at your place. You have to tell him to leave, but how to do you deliver the bad news?
If you have used Grindr (or any other gay hookup application) it’s likely that you have experienced one of these scenarios, or other related situations in which you have asked your prospective hookup to leave. Delivery is key, and we all want to be sensitive to the feelings of others while remaining efficient in our exit strategy. Here are several options (some less serious than others) you can consider using the next time you need to make a quick escape during a Grindr date.
1. Clog his toilet
This only works if you’re not hosting. I would suggest employing this method if you are undecided when he first lets you into his place, but once you get upstairs and things get a little heated, you decide the chemistry isn’t right and it’s time to leave. You can use excessive toilet paper, but paper towels work best (if he keeps any in his bathroom). This creates the perfect distraction – he is forced to deal with the situation right away, and you can claim that you were in a rush in the first place and you have to leave. However, making unnecessary work for someone you just met isn’t very nice, and there are smarter alternatives to get your way.
2. Scope him out from your bedroom window
Unfortunately this only works if you are hosting AND your window faces the entrance of your apartment or home. The easy part about this method is face-to-face contact is not necessary, and you can either stop responding, or tell him you are no longer interested over messaging (probably better to be up-front).
3. Pretend to answer your phone, create excuse
Although I have always found this method to be a little obvious, if you are afraid of direct confrontation and need to make an excuse, pretending to answer your phone is always an option. It could be your mom who needs to have an urgent conversation, your roommate who lost their keys, or your friend who is drunk and needs you to drive their car home for them. For this one you will need to work on your delivery and stick with the same story. Fortunately, you can use this method regardless of if you are hosting or traveling.
4. Fake sick
This one is pretty easy, and there are variations on it that will make it even more effective. A good idea is saying “It’s probably from the all of the [insert name of several illegal drugs here] that I took before I/you came over.” For the majority of people this is a turn-off, and if your delivery is good he will urgently let himself out.
5. Do not say a word, turn around and let yourself out
If your hookup really lied to you about who he is, you should not feel responsible for providing an explanation for your reasons for leaving. If he continues to message you once you have left, you can use this as an opportunity to let him know that sending old pictures or pictures of other people is not right.
6. Tell him directly why you aren’t interested
I always wonder why people shy away from this approach. If his pictures are not accurate representations of who he really is, you are not at fault for confronting him. You were the one deceived, and it is perfectly reasonable to tell him this to his face. Consider the idea that if he lied about who he is/what he looks like before even meeting you in person, he could be hiding much more from you that could potentially put you at risk.
Although I personally think honesty is the best answer, whatever approach you take can be performed in a graceful, sensitive way. No, you don’t owe this person anything (especially considering that they lied to you), but you don’t have to be nasty either. This person is still a person, and letting them know that they can’t get away with deception via direct confrontation could actually help them in the long run.
Have you ever had to ask a Grindr date to leave? Has anyone ever shared pictures with you that did not belong to them? Share your stories with us below.