It’s an ironic reality that while most guys pretend to be satisfied in their sex lives –– at least outwardly –– they tend to get squirmy about the one sexual act that could feel better than any of the sex they’re currently having: prostate play.Prostate play refers to the practice of stimulating the prostate, a small gland located 3-4 inches inside the rectum that’s responsible for producing a component of semen that helps sperm survive and swim.
Often referred to as the “male G-spot,” the prostate is capable of producing intense, expansive and full-body orgasms when stimulated by fingers, a toy or a penis. In fact, because ejaculation tends not to occur when the prostate orgasms, folks who experience this type of pleasure can sometimes climax multiple times in a single session without spilling a drop of semen. Anyone with a prostate can enjoy prostate massage and orgasms.
While it holds the unfortunate and incorrect reputation as something only gay men enjoy (which we do), whether a person loves or hates prostate stimulation has no more bearing on their sexuality. Just like enjoying penile stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation, enjoying prostate massage doesn’t either. It’s a gland, not an identity.
An amazing prostate orgasm can be achieved through prostate massage. Every guy has a unique spot and anatomy, so it can require some patience and practice to perfect, but thankfully, there are a few helpful steps you can follow to experience this rare and novel orgasm. From special techniques to tips on using a prostate toy, read on to learn how to have a prostate orgasm.
5 Techniques for the Perfect Prostate Massage With a Partner
Prostate stimulation can be especially thrilling if you’ve got someone to explore it with. The dexterous, precise fingers of a partner or the deft usage of their penis or a dildo they’re in control of can be really helpful in terms of finding the right rhythm and pressure. Combined with a little healthy communication and a lot of lube, it can also be an especially intimate experience that brings you closer together whether you’re in it for the night or the long haul.
1. Get in the mood
Generally speaking, prostate play in the absence of arousal isn’t anywhere near as fun as it is when you’re turned on. That’s because when you’re in the mood, circulation to the pelvic region increases and the prostate swells quite notably. This makes it easier to find and to stimulate, as well as more sensitive and responsive to touch.
2. Lube yourself silly and trim your nails
Because the anus and rectum do not self-lubricate, it’s extra-super-very important to use lube during any sort of butt stuff, prostate play included. Lube will protect the delicate tissues of the anus and prevent them from the micro-tearing that can accompany dryness, but it also has the added benefit of making things more comfortable and pleasurable too.
If you’re using fingers, make sure your nails are trimmed. And for the ladies, there’s nothing’s worse than an acrylic nail to the prostate.
3. Breathe. Relax. Insert.
One of the biggest factors in a pleasurable prostate orgasm is relaxation. The more relaxed and zen you are, the more flexible and accommodating the muscles of your anus will be. This reduces the amount of discomfort you may feel from anal penetration (if any at all), but it also ensures that the blood vessels of your anal region can dilate, bringing more blood and sensation to the area.
Do whatever you need to do to relax. Massage, music, deep breathing, meditating, quitting your job and moving to an expat community in Thailand … it’s your call.
As you insert whatever you’re inserting, take deep breaths. If you encounter resistance, breathe through it and let the natural action of your anal muscles pull the toy in slowly as opposed to pushing it in harder.
4. Locate the prostate
While inserting anything into the anus can lead to prostate stimulation, it really helps if you know where to find it. The prostate is located between 3-4 inches inside the rectum on the frontal wall (the side that faces the navel.) If you’re properly aroused, your partner should notice that it has a distinct texture from the rest of the rectum. It’s a little ridged, and might feel like a ripe plum.
That’s where you want to focus.
5. Find your rhythm
Once you’re comfortable and your partner’s fingers, penis or toy is inside you, experiment with rhythm and sensation. Make sure you and your partner can communicate verbally and with body language while you do this so you can find the sort of stimulation that works best for both of you.
You can try circular motions around the prostate, switching up the width of the circles and the speed with which you make them. You can tap the prostate lightly using one fingers or two in a piano-style movement. You can stroke it up and down or side-to-side like a windshield wiper. You can hold some steady pressure on it and sort of pulse whatever you’re using to stimulate the prostate on it without removing the pressure entirely. Or, you can try holding, which basically entails the person doing the penetrating staying still and the person being penetrated moving their hips and body on their partner in a way that feels good.
Or, any combination of the above!
Repeat until you climax. Because you can have multiple orgasms with prostate play, you don’t have to stop after you do unless you want to!
How to Have a Prostate Orgasm with a Toy
Start by finding the perfect anal toy. We have the ultimate guide in choosing the right anal sex toy for you.
1. Make some time for yourself
Having a prostate orgasm for the first time by yourself is not alway easy, so make sure you have enough time and comfort to focus on yourself. No phone calls, no Instagram, switch off the TV or turn the lights low. This is totally different from penile masturbation and requires some focus and internal communication with yourself.
Now that you’re alone, try taking a relaxing shower or bath. Heat can help the sensitive tissues around the anus relax and become more pliable, which makes penetration easier. Wash the area around your anus or use an at-home enema if you’d like deeper rectum deep cleaning. After that, get comfy and put on some music you love. Do whatever you need to do to feel relaxed and comfortable. A glass of wine can help, but don’t overdo it.
3. Position yourself comfortably
You can lie on the bed with your knees in the air, turn on your side or get on your knees in a sort of doggy-style position. Any of these positions is good as long as you access the anal canal comfortably. There are many positions to use, but as a beginner, use the one you find easy. Many folks find laying on their side is the easiest position for insertion, but feel free to move around after that.
4. Start the massage
Get your prostate toy and apply a generous amount of lubricant on it. Do the same to your anus and then gently nudge the toy into the anal canal. If you feel any discomfort, relax, go slowly, and wait for few seconds and it will enter smoothly. You might not feel the toy on your prostate right away, but move it around to where it’s comfortable and pleasurable. Typically, if you’re aroused and relaxed, you’ll feel a little jolt of pleasure when the toy touches your prostate. You might even be able to feel a slightly different texture from the rest of your rectum.
If you cannot put your prostate vibrator or any other toy comfortably the first time you try, use your finger to massage the anus until it relaxes a bit more.
Once it’s in and you’re comfortable, try the techniques mentioned above to massage the prostate. Experiment with the level of pressure that feels best for you, and take time to explore the whole area. Fantasizing or masturbating at the same time can help enhance the sensation.
At some point, you’ll start experiencing an escalating pleasure that leads to the prostate contracting. This may feel quite different than what you’re used to experiencing with your penis. You may start to orgasm, but it’s likely that you won’t ejaculate (although if you do, that’s great, too.) Afterward, you may still feel aroused and down for another round –– go for it! You’ll notice that you can have multiple prostate orgasms without having to rest between them. Even if you don’t, it’s relatively easy to work up to that point.
Frequently Asked Questions About Prostate Orgasms
You’ve read about them and have talked with other guys who say that prostate orgasms are the most mind-blowing experiences that they have ever had. You want one, and doubtlessly, you have a lot of questions about the experience. Like most other situations, when it comes to sex, there is no single right or wrong way. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions about your burning desire.
What is a prostate orgasm?
Prostate orgasm occurs through direct stimulation of the prostate. The first method involves stimulating the prostate by inserting a finger into the rectum and massaging it. The second method is similar, involving the insertion of a prostate massager into the rectum to stimulate the gland. Either method may be done solo or with a partner. The third involves the insertion of a penis into a partner’s rectum. Not all men are comfortable with anal sex, so you should always remain respectful of your partner’s wishes. Prostate orgasm may be dry or occur in conjunction with ejaculation.
The International Society of Sexual Medicine notes that researchers aren’t exactly sure what makes prostate orgasms so powerful. The prostate is often likened to the female G-Spot, with some calling it the P-Spot. However, this is not entirely accurate as women have an equivalent group of glands, called the Skene’s glands, according to Vitus Prostate Center. This likening is more about the intense sexual pleasure that both spots provide.
What does a prostate orgasm feel like?
Although much research has been performed on G-Spot orgasms, you’ll find little in official literature on prostate orgasms or even male orgasms in general. A 2017 study in Clinical Anatomy noted that most of what the world knows about prostate orgasms come from anecdotal evidence in literature and various online sources or magazine articles. Some early descriptions of prostate orgasms call them “emission type reflexive orgasms with occasional oozing of semen from the penis.” That’s a pretty boring description of what is supposed to be a mind-blowing experience.
Thus, we have to go by are descriptions from guys who regularly experience prostate orgasms. What many of them say is that it is a whole-body experience. It doesn’t just stay in the region of the genitals but radiates outward to incorporate even the arms and legs. Like a penile orgasm, it comes in spasms and can occur over and over again. Some guys experience super orgasms, which come in fast continuous waves that cause the body to shudder. Others say that the experience is quite localized and feels like the beginning of a penile orgasm happening over and over again.
Other things to note are that when you’re getting a prostate massage, you may feel like you have to empty your bladder. Because your anus if full, you may feel like you’re going to pop too. Neither will happen, but just to make sure, you should go to the bathroom and take a bath before the experience to make it as worry-free and pleasurable as possible.
What happens during a prostate orgasm?
Highly sensitive nerve endings surround the prostate, which is why massaging it feels so darned good. Prostate orgasms begin with mild contractions of the pubococcygeus muscle or PC muscle that stretches from the pubic bone to your tail bone. This muscle forms the pelvic cavity floor and supports all the pelvic structures, including the urethra and the prostate. These mild contractions are the first sign that you are doing it right. As prostate stimulation continues, these contractions intensify behind the pubic bone, and the feeling of warmth enters the mid-section. The body starts to tremble, and if you haven’t had an erection to this point, one may start now. Orgasm occurs hen the PC muscle begins its most intense phase of contractions and release. At this pint, the parasympathetic nerves in the area stimulate the production of seminal fluid from the gland, which can lead to ejaculation. You may go flaccid during peak pleasure, but it doesn’t’ matter as you’re having the most intense orgasm ever!
How long does it take to have a prostate orgasm?
Achieving a prostate orgasm takes patience and practice. Some men say that they don’t achieve orgasm the first time they have a prostate massage. Remember that every guy is different. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be to achieve orgasm. Many guys report that as they or their partners become more experienced at prostate play, they have an easier time, and orgasm comes more quickly. Just don’t worry about it. The experience is going to be pleasurable, no matter which way you look at it. Think of it as an hour or two of ultimate sex because once you have a prostate orgasm, you can have another one immediately as there is no refractory period.
How long does a prostate orgasm last?
Because there is no refractory period, there is no limit to how long a prostate orgasm will last. Again, the data is anecdotal, which explains the lack of an exact answer. Once you get into a rhythm with your prostate play, you’ll probably be able to determine just how long your orgasms will be, as well as how many you can have or want during your sex session. Let your body be your guide. If you want to go all night, you can.
How to find your prostate
The prostate is located about two inches inside the anus. If you’re trying to locate it with your finger, you’ll find it by pressing upwards toward the bladder. This wall of the anus will feel harder than the other wall. Navigate up toward the navel. You’ve reached it when you feel a round object that has two lobes. It is just beneath the bladder and surrounds the urethra. Another way to locate it is to feel the base of your penis and work your way back toward the rectum on your taint. By pressing on your taint, you’ll be able to feel your prostate. The prostate is about the size of a walnut but becomes larger as you get older.
How deep is the prostate?
The prostate is not far inside the body. As noted above, you can find it about three to four inches inside your rectum, which is approximately how far you can reach with one of your fingers. It can be difficult for some guys to reach the prostate with their finger, so you may have a hard time applying constant pressure for the massage. Sex toys are longer than your fingers and designed in such a way that you or your partner will be able to easily reach this sensitive gland and apply the needed pressure that culminates in the ultimate orgasm.
What happens if the prostate is massaged?
The prostate responds to a firm, repetitive pressure. Prostate massage is sometimes referred to as milking the prostate because it stimulates the movement of fluid produced by the gland. This is the milky fluid that carries semen during ejaculation.
How often should you massage your prostate?
You can do it daily or even twice a day if you want. There is no real schedule to how often you should massage your prostate unless you have health issues such as prostatitis that require regular drainage. Instead of heading to a urologist for regular treatment, you can massage your prostate with your finger or with a toy to help drain it. According to the Prostatitis Foundation, massaging the prostate to reduce infection and the accompanying buildup of fluid should be done at least every two days. It would be best if you took care when massaging the prostate as a 2017 study in Clinical Anatomy noted that massaging it too vigorously can result in rectal bleeding, increase the risk of a bacterial infection or irritate hemorrhoids. The same study indicated that 8.3% of men experienced discomfort after vigorous prostate massage.
Is it healthy to massage your prostate?
As we said above, you can hurt your prostate if you massage it too hard. More accurately, you could damage the prostatic plexus, the thin pliable membrane covering the gland that is rich in nerves that service the corpora cavernosa of the penis, which gives you an erection. Always make sure that your finger or the sex toy you use to massage your prostate is squeaky clean because you don’t want risk introducing bacteria into the anus. You can even use a condom over your finger to help protect your prostate. Not all medical community members support prostate massage for health reasons, but some men, especially older ones, indicate that they get relief from some prostate conditions through massage. If you’ve heard those tales that prostate massage can give you cancer, don’t believe them as there is no evidence for it. In fact, it may even help prevent cancer by helping to flush out the gland.
What are the health benefits of prostate massage?
The National Institute of Health notes that few studies on the benefits of prostate massage exist, but some doctors recommend the practice to ease painful ejaculation caused by prostatitis. It has also been used in conjunction with antibiotics to relieve prostatitis, which is inflammation of the prostate. Other conditions that massage may benefit include erectile dysfunction. A small 2009 study published in the Open Neurology & Nephrology Journal indicated that at-home prostate massage devices helped men with benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), also known as an enlarged prostate. Those men had an easier time urinating, while there is some anecdotal evidence that prostate massage may even play a role in reducing the size of an enlarged prostate.
8 Toys That Will Help You Achieve Prostate Orgasm
Whether it’s solo play or couple’s play, here are our top 8 sex toys that will help elevate your prostate orgasm experience.
1. LELO Bruno Prostate Massager
While the prostate tends to love firm touch, it has an equal hankering for super-strong vibration. The Bruno offers both those things with its deeply quaking dual motors that provide both external and internal pleasure simultaneously (on the perineum and prostate respectively.) It has a curved shape, but is silky smooth, giving users an amazing, gliding sensation during insertion while ensuring they’re comfortable.
This massager is medium-sized, which means it’s great for users of all experience levels.
2. LELO Loki Wave Prostate Massager
You might not guess by looking at it, but the The Lelo Loki Wave moves. This sleek prostate massager famous for its undulating, wave-like “come hither” motion in its shaft that’s meant to simulate the precise and natural feeling of a person’s fingers. Paired with 10 speeds of super-strong, rumbly vibration and an external stimulator that rumbles the perineum and external portion of the anus, the Loki Wave is perfect for folks looking for intensity, a bit of girth and a toy that does more than just vibrate.
3. Je Joue Nuo
Soft and flexible yet filling, the Nuo has a wide bulge that gives the toy more surface area to find and massage your prostate. Its bendy base has flexible joints so you can position it perfectly, and it has a particularly rumbly, deep vibration that stimulates both the prostate and surrounding structures. Dual external and internal motors make for a fantastic blended pleasure, and it comes with an app that controls its vibration pattern. The app is particularly fun for couples –– hand it over to your partner and let them drive for a fun way to make prostate play a two-person sport.
4. Revo Stealth Prostate Massager
With its thoughtfully designed head, the Nexus Revo Stealth gives you amazing pleasure and incredible orgasms through a simple design that’s mean to hug the prostate in its curves. Created based on advanced technology that lets its shaft rotate in a circular motion, it tends to do the work for you so you can sit back and enjoy the sensation. The Stealth also comes with a remote for easy control operation or couple’s fun.
5. VeDO DIVER Prostate Vibe
The VeDO DIVER has a dual motor for simultaneous prostate and perineum stimulation. With a slender shaft, a perfectly curved head and handle that makes it easy to hold, it’s super easy to position in the spot that feels the best for you. It also comes with a remote, making it a great couple’s toy or those times when you’d rather not fiddle around with the controls while it’s inside you.
6. Rocks-Off Rude Boy Intense 7
Rude Boy is a powerful, medium-girth vibrator. You can lie on your back and control it with the 7 pleasure modes. It is waterproof, so you can use it while showering and every pulsation sends nothing but pleasure. It is rechargeable and once you discover your ideal setting, you will be in cloud nine within no time.
7. We-Vibe Ditto Vibrating Butt Plug
With a small, accessible shape and a beautifully-designed curve that sits snugly against the prostate, the Ditto’s super-flexible neck and body make this toy a particularly good option for beginners looking to start small. A comfortable, ergonomic base makes it easy to wear, and its strong vibrations make it easy to love. Pair it with the WeConnect app for a hands-free experience couples can stay connected with whether they’re across the room or the country. WeConnect works anywhere where WiFi is available, making the Ditto an ideal couple’s toy.
8. California Exotic Novelties His Prostate Training Kit
His Prostate Training Kit is every man’s best friend and has everything that he needs to discover the greatest prostate orgasm –– a vibrator, a plug and a set of beads. Mix and match all three to find the sensation that works best for you and your prostate.