It’s an ironic reality that while most guys pretend to be satisfied in their sex lives –– at least outwardly –– they tend to get squirmy about the one sexual act that could feel better than any of the sex they’re currently having: prostate play. Prostate play refers to the practice of stimulating the prostate, a small gland located 3-4 inches inside the rectum that’s responsible for producing a component of semen that helps sperm survive and swim.
Often referred to as the “male G-spot,” the prostate is capable of producing intense, expansive and full-body orgasms when stimulated by fingers, a toy or a penis. In fact, because ejaculation tends not to occur when the prostate orgasms, folks who experience this type of pleasure can sometimes climax multiple times in a single session without spilling a drop of semen. Anyone with a prostate can enjoy prostate massage and orgasms.
While it holds the unfortunate and incorrect reputation as something only gay men enjoy (which we do), whether a person loves or hates prostate stimulation has no more bearing on their sexuality. Just like enjoying penile stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation, enjoying prostate massage doesn’t either. It’s a gland, not an identity.
An amazing prostate orgasm can be achieved through prostate massage. Every guy has a unique spot and anatomy, so it can require some patience and practice to perfect, but thankfully, there are a few helpful steps you can follow to experience this rare and novel orgasm. From special techniques to tips on using a prostate toy, read on to learn how to have a prostate orgasm.
5 Techniques for the Perfect Prostate Massage With a Partner
1. Get in the mood
Generally speaking, prostate play in the absence of arousal isn’t anywhere near as fun as it is when you’re turned on. That’s because when you’re in the mood, circulation to the pelvic region increases and the prostate swells quite notably. This makes it easier to find and to stimulate, as well as more sensitive and responsive to touch.
2. Lube yourself silly and trim your nails
Because the anus and rectum do not self-lubricate, it’s extra-super-very important to use lube during any sort of butt stuff, prostate play included. Lube will protect the delicate tissues of the anus and prevent them from the micro-tearing that can accompany dryness, but it also has the added benefit of making things more comfortable and pleasurable too.
If you’re using fingers, make sure your nails are trimmed. And for the ladies, there’s nothing’s worse than an acrylic nail to the prostate.
3. Breathe. Relax. Insert.
One of the biggest factors in a pleasurable prostate orgasm is relaxation. The more relaxed and zen you are, the more flexible and accommodating the muscles of your anus will be. This reduces the amount of discomfort you may feel from anal penetration (if any at all), but it also ensures that the blood vessels of your anal region can dilate, bringing more blood and sensation to the area.
Do whatever you need to do to relax. Massage, music, deep breathing, meditating, quitting your job and moving to an expat community in Thailand … it’s your call.
As you insert whatever you’re inserting, take deep breaths. If you encounter resistance, breathe through it and let the natural action of your anal muscles pull the toy in slowly as opposed to pushing it in harder.
4. Locate the prostate
While inserting anything into the anus can lead to prostate stimulation, it really helps if you know where to find it. The prostate is located between 3-4 inches inside the rectum on the frontal wall (the side that faces the navel.) If you’re properly aroused, your partner should notice that it has a distinct texture from the rest of the rectum. It’s a little ridged, and might feel like a ripe plum.
That’s where you want to focus.
5. Find your rhythm
Once you’re comfortable and your partner’s fingers, penis or toy is inside you, experiment with rhythm and sensation. Make sure you and your partner can communicate verbally and with body language while you do this so you can find the sort of stimulation that works best for both of you.
You can try circular motions around the prostate, switching up the width of the circles and the speed with which you make them. You can tap the prostate lightly using one fingers or two in a piano-style movement. You can stroke it up and down or side-to-side like a windshield wiper. You can hold some steady pressure on it and sort of pulse whatever you’re using to stimulate the prostate on it without removing the pressure entirely. Or, you can try holding, which basically entails the person doing the penetrating staying still and the person being penetrated moving their hips and body on their partner in a way that feels good.
Or, any combination of the above!
Repeat until you climax. Because you can have multiple orgasms with prostate play, you don’t have to stop after you do unless you want to!
How to Have a Prostate Orgasm with a Toy
1. Make some time for yourself
Having a prostate orgasm for the first time by yourself is not alway easy, so make sure you have enough time and comfort to focus on yourself. No phone calls, no Instagram, switch off the TV or turn the lights low. This is totally different from penile masturbation and requires some focus and internal communication with yourself.
Now that you’re alone, try taking a relaxing shower or bath. Heat can help the sensitive tissues around the anus relax and become more pliable, which makes penetration easier. Wash the area around your anus or use an at-home enema if you’d like deeper rectum deep cleaning. After that, get comfy and put on some music you love. Do whatever you need to do to feel relaxed and comfortable. A glass of wine can help, but don’t overdo it.
3. Position yourself comfortably
You can lie on the bed with your knees in the air, turn on your side or get on your knees in a sort of doggy-style position. Any of these positions is good as long as you access the anal canal comfortably. There are many positions to use, but as a beginner, use the one you find easy. Many folks find laying on their side is the easiest position for insertion, but feel free to move around after that.
4. Start the massage
Get your prostate toy or any gay sex toys for men and apply a generous amount of lubricant on it. Do the same to your anus and then gently nudge the toy into the anal canal. If you feel any discomfort, relax, go slowly, and wait for few seconds and it will enter smoothly. You might not feel the toy on your prostate right away, but move it around to where it’s comfortable and pleasurable. Typically, if you’re aroused and relaxed, you’ll feel a little jolt of pleasure when the toy touches your prostate. You might even be able to feel a slightly different texture from the rest of your rectum.
If you cannot put your prostate vibrator or any other toy comfortably the first time you try, use your finger to massage the anus until it relaxes a bit more.
Once it’s in and you’re comfortable, try the techniques mentioned above to massage the prostate. Experiment with the level of pressure that feels best for you, and take time to explore the whole area. Fantasizing or masturbating at the same time can help enhance the sensation.
At some point, you’ll start experiencing an escalating pleasure that leads to the prostate contracting. This may feel quite different than what you’re used to experiencing with your penis. You may start to orgasm, but it’s likely that you won’t ejaculate (although if you do, that’s great, too.) Afterward, you may still feel aroused and down for another round –– go for it! You’ll notice that you can have multiple prostate orgasms without having to rest between them. Even if you don’t, it’s relatively easy to work up to that point.
While the prostate tends to love firm touch, it has an equal hankering for super-strong vibration. The Bruno offers both those things with its deeply quaking dual motors that provide both external and internal pleasure simultaneously (on the perineum and prostate respectively.) It has a curved shape, but is silky smooth, giving users an amazing, gliding sensation during insertion while ensuring they’re comfortable.
This massager is medium-sized, which means it’s great for users of all experience levels.
You might not guess by looking at it, but the The Lelo Loki Wave moves. This sleek prostate massager famous for its undulating, wave-like “come hither” motion in its shaft that’s meant to simulate the precise and natural feeling of a person’s fingers. Paired with 10 speeds of super-strong, rumbly vibration and an external stimulator that rumbles the perineum and external portion of the anus, the Loki Wave is perfect for folks looking for intensity, a bit of girth and a toy that does more than just vibrate.
3. Je Joue Nuo
Soft and flexible yet filling, the Nuo has a wide bulge that gives the toy more surface area to find and massage your prostate. Its bendy base has flexible joints so you can position it perfectly, and it has a particularly rumbly, deep vibration that stimulates both the prostate and surrounding structures. Dual external and internal motors make for a fantastic blended pleasure, and it comes with an app that controls its vibration pattern. The app is particularly fun for couples –– hand it over to your partner and let them drive for a fun way to make prostate play a two-person sport.
4. Revo Stealth Prostate Massager
With its thoughtfully designed head, the Nexus Revo Stealth gives you amazing pleasure and incredible orgasms through a simple design that’s mean to hug the prostate in its curves. Created based on advanced technology that lets its shaft rotate in a circular motion, it tends to do the work for you so you can sit back and enjoy the sensation. The Stealth also comes with a remote for easy control operation or couple’s fun.
5. VeDO DIVER Prostate Vibe
The VeDO DIVER has a dual motor for simultaneous prostate and perineum stimulation. With a slender shaft, a perfectly curved head and handle that makes it easy to hold, it’s super easy to position in the spot that feels the best for you. It also comes with a remote, making it a great couple’s toy or those times when you’d rather not fiddle around with the controls while it’s inside you.
6. Rocks-Off Rude Boy Intense 7
Rude Boy is a powerful, medium-girth vibrator. You can lie on your back and control it with the 7 pleasure modes. It is waterproof, so you can use it while showering and every pulsation sends nothing but pleasure. It is rechargeable and once you discover your ideal setting, you will be in cloud nine within no time.
7. We-Vibe Ditto Vibrating Butt Plug
With a small, accessible shape and a beautifully-designed curve that sits snugly against the prostate, the Ditto’s super-flexible neck and body make this toy a particularly good option for beginners looking to start small. A comfortable, ergonomic base makes it easy to wear, and its strong vibrations make it easy to love. Pair it with the WeConnect app for a hands-free experience couples can stay connected with whether they’re across the room or the country. WeConnect works anywhere where WiFi is available, making the Ditto an ideal couple’s toy.
8. California Exotic Novelties His Prostate Training Kit
His Prostate Training Kit is every man’s best friend and has everything that he needs to discover the greatest prostate orgasm –– a vibrator, a plug and a set of beads. Mix and match all three to find the sensation that works best for you and your prostate.